I’ll have to make this quick because I’m off to Sam’s for canned food and those little baked things that last forever. I also need to stock up on wine, beer and beef jerky.
Then it’s off to Wal-Mart for a couple of new guns. I’m thinking a 30.06 would be good, but I also should have a shot gun for the possible zombie attacks to come. I wonder if Wal-Mart carries machine guns? I think so, over by the sporting goods.
Anyway, does anybody know where to get some live chickens on short notice? I’ll need them to barter with later.
That reminds me, what do you think the political landscape is going to look like? Are all the Tea Baggers going to be gone, and we can finally build a nation we can be proud to say we are from (and can probably rename something cool, like Ascendland) or will it be the Hippies that ascend and leave me here surrounded by pissed off, slightly embarrassed conservatives? Wouldn’t that be a trip? Everybody out of the pool except the Lawyers and Preachers and Politicians. Leave them to fight it out amongst the zombies.
Church on Sunday might be a little awkward, or in the best case scenario at least very lightly attended. If not I guess we will know a few things.
I say that whatever happens on Saturday, (I’m betting nothing) all of us who do not really follow that kind of thing all agree to pretend it really did happen and that everyone we see that we know is really religious we act like they missed the boat. Send sympathy cards to your religious friends letting them know that you still respect them even though Jesus left them here.
If we can carry it off maybe they will decide that the whole religion thing is done and over with and we can get on with making the world a peaceful place to be for a change.
Another good tactic is to pretend after the apocalypse that you can no longer see your religious friends, to try to convince them that they are invisible, trapped in a strange purgatory of half-existence. When they shout at you, “I’m here! I’m right Here!” act as if you sorta maybe thought you heard something off in the distance. What fun! After about a month of invisibility maybe they will come to their senses a little bit. Remember too, that if your formerly self-important religious friends are invisible to you, you won’t have to let them in to your security bunker.
You know, I’m kind of surprised that no one has come up with a new dance called “the Rapture” to commemorate the occasion. You would think Lady Ga Ga would be all over that.
And that reminds me to wonder what to wear on Saturday. What does one wear to a Rapture? Is it more like a Bah Mitzva, or more like a rave party? I guess you could dress as if you were going to a Real Estate closing, although it might also be more like a fire sale.
I can’t wait to see real live Zombies! Uh, well, real Dead Zombies, whatever.
Anyway, good luck with the end of the World and all, and if I don’t see you again, it’s been fun. Last one out turn off the lights.
